Chuck Lorre wrote a pilot about working with Charlie Sheen

Chuck Lorre and Charlie Sheen in 2005

Chuck Lorre and Charlie Sheen in 2005
Photo: Frederick M. Brown (Getty Images)

As anyone who has caught the end credits of a Chuck Lorre sitcom will know, the man loves to talk about himself and his TV writing/producing career (if you Haven’t caught the end credits of a Chuck Lorre sitcom, he tends to sneak in little self-serving notes in lieu of a standard production company logo), so it’s weirdly not too surprising that he apparently wrote a script for a TV pilot about a guy named Chuck Lorre working on a hit sitcom called Two And A Half Men that abruptly goes off the rails at one point thanks to the problematic, tiger blood-fueled behavior of a cast member named Charlie Sheen—you know, like the thing that happened in real life.

This comes from The Hollywood Reporterand the weirdest thing about all of this is that the script—titled Sex, Drugs And A Sitcom—obtained by THR was dated this year (meaning he wrote this recently, rather than right after all of this stuff happened). But, apparentlythere are some pointed meta-jokes about other things that have happened in the decade since Sheen was fired from Two And A Half Menlike a scene where Sheen is interviewed by Matt Lauer, with onscreen text referring to him as “NBC News anchor, back when he was still getting laid at work” (that’s one way to describe it, Chuck!). After that, there’s a flashback to the beginning of Two And A Half Men “before it all turned into a septic clusterfuck,” with cameos from the stars of other famous sitcoms and big-name people in the TV industry (including former CBS boss Les Moonves, described in the script as “the most powerful man in television and a naughty, naughty boy,” and, again: CHUCK!).

Naturally, the script includes Lorre himself as a character, with the real Lorre writing, “In this telling of the story, Chuck Lorre is portrayed as witty and sympathetic. There is another version where he’s arrogant and insecure. Somebody else can write that one.” THR says Lorre actually “shopped it around town” but never actually tried to make it, which we assume is the Lorre equivalent of leaving something in your Tweet drafts or writing out an angry email to someone and then never sending it. Y’know, a healthy-ish way to get some thoughts out of your head without having to actually share them with anybody… but then somebody gave the script to THR and now everybody knows about it. At least this sounds funnier than some of our Tweet drafts.

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